Trust Me

My anxiety has risen to the top of pile of things that Daddy is dealing with in my life.  Ultimately, I know that he just wants me to trust him. But he isn’t satisfied with a little trust.  He wants me to trust him, as in black or white, on or off, “I know that you can’t but I said that you can” kind of trust.

And that trust is hard.  I have spent my life doing everything that I can do on my own, managing every circumstance and event to the fullest extent of my capability, and then when I reach the end and am about to fail, THEN, I call out to God and trust him with the rest.  But that isn’t really trust as much as it is desperation.

My desperation doesn’t impress God.  Lots of people call out to him when they are helpless and sinking fast.  But God wants me to seek him FIRST, and to not worry about the other stuff.

Which brings me to my point.  As I read Matthew 6:25-34, Daddy tells me that I don’t need to worry about my life; I only need to seek him.  Just as he clothes the flowers and feeds the birds, he WILL take care of me.  My practical interpretation of this passage has always been get up early in the morning and read and pray FIRST and then go out and manage the day on my own for as long as possible. 

I realize now that God wants me to seek him first, but I don’t read where he tells me that its ok to stop seeking him and go do something else.  Or pursue something else. Or manage something else.

No matter what activity I am involved in, my goal  should remain the same:   Seek God. Seek his kingdom.  Seek his righteousness.  And trust God with stuff that has to this point been consuming my every waking thought and many of my anxiety-ridden dreams at night.

So as I sit here this morning, feeling the tension and peace warring within me, my eyes red and moist with tears of both relief and fear, I am going to seek God first today. And only. 

My way is obviously not working.

Perhaps my desperation was Daddy’s goal all along.

Let Hope In (Read This Book)

Pete Wilson’s latest book, Let Hope In : 4 Choices That Will Change Your Life Forever makes a bold claim: 4 choices that can change your life FOREVER.  Having just finished it, I can honestly say “believe the hype!”  This is a remarkable little book, filled with truth and hope and the grace that God freely offers us, presented in a way that will benefit even the most hopeless of cynics and anxiety-ridden performance-driven Christians.

Pete Wilson, who is the Senior Pastor of Cross Point Church in Nashville, Tennessee, has written a book that you will highlight and underline throughout, and if you will let it, might just truly change your life forever.

I have struggled with anxiety for much of life.  This anxiety about what COULD go wrong, coupled with believing that my life circumstances were some sort of cosmic retribution for crimes that I wasn’t aware of (basically, I believed that God just didn’t like me very much) led to many moments of sheer terror.

I remember as a child, struggling for months to go to sleep at night because my throat would feel like it was closing up and I feared that I would die in my sleep.  Most mornings  now I wake up well before my alarm goes off and my mind immediately begins racing with thoughts of everything that will go wrong today if I don’t get up and get to work NOW!  I oftentimes pace our house, looking for something to do, someone to please, because I have never really learned how to relax.  Me and anxiety go way back.

But this book offers Hope.  Through stories from scripture, counseling experiences, and gentle reminders of truth, Pastor Wilson leads the reader down a path that can be truly transformational.

So why do I believe that this book is life-changing?  When I awoke at 5am this morning, my first thought was that our a/c unit outside was making a weird noise and that it had probably frozen up and the compressor was destroyed and we would have to replace it and where are we going to get the money for that? All of this passed thru my head in about a tenth of a second before I yanked off the covers and jumped out of bed.  I was concerned about the unit last night with all of the ice that we had around Atlanta yesterday and my anxious mind picked up right where it had left off the day before.

But this time, as I peered out the window and was amazed by the beauty of the the 3 inches of fresh snow that had fallen overnight, my mind drifted back to words that I had read last night:  Your fear comes from not trusting that God can take care of you.  As I thought that, my mind and body relaxed.  I thanked God for his provision. And went back to sleep.

Read this book. It will bless you.